1. Take Care Of Yourself First
This is the most important: nurture your own needs. Don't put yourself last! You are the hub of your family. They need you to be at your best. This means giving yourself the love and care you deserve. The happier you are, the more energy and love you have to give your family.
Also, remember YOU ARE A ROLE MODEL for your children. Show them a positive, fulfilled woman in charge of her life. A woman who has a loving partner and a LIFE OF HER OWN. Don't show them their future involves being tired and angry, bitter and negative. Or worse yet, the door mat for a selfish husband.
Also, remember YOU ARE A ROLE MODEL for your children. Show them a positive, fulfilled woman in charge of her life. A woman who has a loving partner and a LIFE OF HER OWN. Don't show them their future involves being tired and angry, bitter and negative. Or worse yet, the door mat for a selfish husband.
2. Spend One-On-One Time With Your Chidren
To develop a healthy self esteem, children need to know they are valued for themselves. That they are the center of our universe. This does not mean giving them 100% of our attention, or giving them everything that they ask for.
It does mean setting aside time for them, and ONLY THEM. Finding time when you can give them your undivided attention and they do not have to compete with ANYONE. Children bloom when we shower our love upon them. When we see them, we see their talents, and we marvel in their unique beauty.
It does mean setting aside time for them, and ONLY THEM. Finding time when you can give them your undivided attention and they do not have to compete with ANYONE. Children bloom when we shower our love upon them. When we see them, we see their talents, and we marvel in their unique beauty.
3. Banish Guilt!
Our children, other mothers, the media, and sometimes even our own families, are well versed in throwing around mother guilt. Don't buy into it!
So, little Johnny wants a PLAY STATION and you can't afford it; or you can't do canteen duty 'like the other mommies' because you work. Tough luck. He'll get over it! We all have different needs and circumstances. Not giving your children everything they want, or being there all the time will not harm them. Tell anyone who tries to put a guilt trip on you to take a hike! Who are they? God. Do they know everything? NO.
Loved children, whose parents nurture and praise them will flourish, whether mum works or not. And as for that Play Station, being a parent means teaching our children how life works - that we can't always have everything we want. Sometimes our choices will make us unpopular in the short term; that's OK, it's the long term that counts!
So, little Johnny wants a PLAY STATION and you can't afford it; or you can't do canteen duty 'like the other mommies' because you work. Tough luck. He'll get over it! We all have different needs and circumstances. Not giving your children everything they want, or being there all the time will not harm them. Tell anyone who tries to put a guilt trip on you to take a hike! Who are they? God. Do they know everything? NO.
Loved children, whose parents nurture and praise them will flourish, whether mum works or not. And as for that Play Station, being a parent means teaching our children how life works - that we can't always have everything we want. Sometimes our choices will make us unpopular in the short term; that's OK, it's the long term that counts!
4. Decide on your family values, and LIVE THEM!
How do you live - do you think you're a good person? Will you be proud if your children have the same values and qualities as you? What are those values? This is personal to you. It may not fit in with your neighbors, society or even your extended family. But the good news is, your values are your own. Claim them and teach them to your children. Not just with words, but actions too.
5. Protect the family unit - husbands need love too!
The best gift you can give your children is to maintain their "happy home". Note the use of the word happy here. Do not stay with a man you do not love and/or respect. Your relationship with the father of your children is the first example they will ever see of what love is. Teach them that while love may not always be easy, it is fair, safe, respectful and supportive. DO NOT teach them that love is violent, cold, uncaring, or disrespectful.
6. Get a life and leave your child's alone!
Do not try and fulfill your own dashed dreams through your children. They have their own personality and their own journey. They do not need the extra baggage of trying to please you. Life is hard enough; your children will be exposed to enough pressure and judgment from others. They do not need the added pressure to make you proud by giving you what you could never achieve in your own life.
We all want what's best for our children. But we need to focus on THEIR BEST. Not ours.
And on that note: What is the best life you can give yourself? Go for it. Take chances. Make sure you LIVE before you die. Don't just bide time. A fulfilled and impassioned mother is more likely to have children who are the same. And the good news is they'll be happier.
We all want what's best for our children. But we need to focus on THEIR BEST. Not ours.
And on that note: What is the best life you can give yourself? Go for it. Take chances. Make sure you LIVE before you die. Don't just bide time. A fulfilled and impassioned mother is more likely to have children who are the same. And the good news is they'll be happier.
7. Love your children Unconditionally
Sometimes our children are easy to love, sometimes they are not. Sometimes we wonder why they are determined to make life so hard for themselves, or for us. We despair of what will happen to them in the big bad world.
There is only one thing to remember here. Your children can only be WHO THEY ARE. You can help them find their best self, teach them about positive choices and consequences, but they must make their own mistakes. You just practice loving them NO MATTER WHAT.
There is only one thing to remember here. Your children can only be WHO THEY ARE. You can help them find their best self, teach them about positive choices and consequences, but they must make their own mistakes. You just practice loving them NO MATTER WHAT.
8. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good
Children are stressful. Raising them and making the BIG DECISIONS in life is stressful. Do not give your time to those who will judge you, criticize you or try to make you feel less than you are. Your children need you strong. You cannot be strong when you are being torn down. Do not let ANYONE do it to you. This includes your own parents.
9. Set Boundaries
Children need boundaries so they are safe, so they can learn how to be good citizens, so they are empathetic to their fellow human beings. So they are loving and empathetic to you! Set boundaries so your husband or wife knows what you need and your children know that you have rights too. They are one part of the family. They are not everything. This is crucial to their understanding of how they fit in the real world. A self-obsessed 30 year old, prone to tantrums, is not an attractive sight.
10. Do not be a One Woman Show - Get help when you need It!
Being a Super Mom does not mean doing it all. Delegate! Learn to BE A GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER. Even if you are a stay-at-home-mother, you are not a slave. Make sure your husband has some chores to do so he appreciates what it takes to run a household.
Take time out for yourself. Keep your girl friends. Never had girlfriends? Find some! Join a gym, talk to women in the park, anything. But get a life of your own. Don't bottle up your feelings - share them. Vent to those who understand your frustrations. And when it's all too hard, ask for help!
Take time out for yourself. Keep your girl friends. Never had girlfriends? Find some! Join a gym, talk to women in the park, anything. But get a life of your own. Don't bottle up your feelings - share them. Vent to those who understand your frustrations. And when it's all too hard, ask for help!
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