21 Lies Moms Tell Their Kids

Here are some bold faced lies moms tell their kids to save sanity, furniture, face, time, and money…

1. They don’t give you ketchup at drive-thrus.

2. The lunch lady calls me when you don’t eat your sandwich.

3. The cat is allergic to Moon Sand, so we can’t have any in the house — for her safety.

4.  What you didn’t get money from the Tooth Fairy last night? That’s because she doesn’t work the 3rd Tuesday of every month. I should have told your. I’m sure she’ll come tonight.

5. If you don’t bathe, you’ll get a ticket. They have dogs that can sniff out dirty children.

6. Every time you cough and don’t cover your mouth, somewhere, a butterfly dies.

7. Harry Styles hates girls who don’t listen to their parents. Now, go brush your teeth and don’t forget to floss.

8. The restaurant I’m going to with Daddy doesn’t allow kids or we would totally take you … I think the waiters say inappropriate things.

9. Animals want to be eaten, it give them such joy to be chosen as your food. Here’s some chicken … go ahead make it happy.

10. Unicorns ARE real, but you only see one when you’re being really good. What, you haven’t seen any? Well, you have to be even better.

11. And of course the most universal (and ironic) Mom Lie: I’m your mother, I wouldn’t lie to you.

12. They don’t sell replacement batteries for that toy.

13. Babies come from the Internet. And that baby sister you wanted is on back-order. 

14. Chuck E. Cheese’s is only for birthday parties; you have to be invited to one to go there. 

15. All grocery stores have a baby jail in the basement; they’ll lock you up if you don’t behave. 

16. The smoke detectors have cameras in them. How else could I have known you haven’t been reading your chapter book?

17. No, this isn’t a brownie. It’s a breakfast bar and it has lots of protein and fiber and even spinach in it. Do you want one? 

18. There are no cartoons on at night because that’s when the characters sleep.

19. I always tell my 4-year-old son that signs in stores say things they really don’t. Like no running, no touching, no talking. I’m so screwed when he learns to read! 

20. The stuffed animals will be lonely for their friends if we take them out of the store.

21. The ice cream man only plays that song when they’re out of ice cream.