DUMB WAITER: a waiter who asks if the kids would like to order dessert.
FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: what you call your child when you’re mad at him or her.
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone says a dirty word.
INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say
OW: the first word spoken by children with an older brother or sister
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it
and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with
your saliva.
TOP BUNK: where you should never punt a child wearing Superman pyamas.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBAL: able to whine in words
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house
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